It took me about six months to finally sit down and watch the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I had no desire to see it in theaters, due to my strong dislike of the idea to rebooting one of my all time favorite franchises AND Michael Bay getting involved. I made the purchase when the movie was first released on Blu Ray, but only had tried watching it once before– and we decided it was a bit too intense for my son, so we switched to the original.
I’m going to review this new movie objectively, at first, so that I can an honest opinion on it. As I eluded to, I was walking into this movie with a negative outlook. I think that may have helped how I felt about this movie, because at the end of the day, it wasn’t a giant turd like I was expecting. Although rather fast paced, so there was some lack of character development, any longer would have ruined the movie. The action was on point and I loved the use of their shells as protection from bullets. The threat seemed slightly more realistic in this film too, instead of just theft.
There were only two things that didn’t, objectively, work for me: a) how the turtles looked… specifically their heads. I feel they could have kept that from the original design and it would have improved their look tremendously… in fact, there are plenty of photoshopped pictures proving just that. b) the fact that Splinter and the turtles were “pets” of April O’Neil’s really bugged me. Which also stems into how the turtles were created– I feel like it’s always been a better story when it was simply an accident.
Now, let’s get into this movie as a fan of the franchise. What. The. Fuck. THEY WERE APRIL’S PETS?!?!? Why should I care for any of these characters? DID I MENTION THEY LOOKED LIKE HIDEOUS TURTLES FROM SPACE?!?! Oh, and all the “nods” to the original were far too on the nose! I would have accepted the pizza falling on Splinter’s head, but to have that AND the way April first meets, as an adult, the turtles? I understand staying true to the source material when making a remake.. but this was a tad out of hand.
In all honesty, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake isn’t all that terrible… a decent update for a newer, slightly more mature, audience. This makes for a good rainy Sunday afternoon watch; but I’ll still take my turtles any day of the week.
That’s Entertainment gives Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a 3 out of 5 (though, my nostalgia brain gives it a 1 out of 5).
Kev is the host of the podcast, Everything is Awesome and is the co-host of The Zombcast. He is the former host of the podcasts Happy Hour with Steel Tip, Creepcast, Happy Hour, 30 Minute Outsider, The Muff Squad, That's Entertainment, 215th Entertainment Presents: Sounds of Philly, Academic Nerds, and OuaT: The Unofficial Once Upon a Time Podcast.
Kev also writes for Dark Knight News and is working on a science fiction series.
Most of all, Kev is a dad to two wonderful children.
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